I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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