How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
