he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
