Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Randomize
