did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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