How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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