I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
