You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Mom said you looked used
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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