Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dicks are not precious.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
