why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
