he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
my liver is dry heaving
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