Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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