My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize