Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
