I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Randomize
