DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
