the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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