i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
