just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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