I could have mohawked her pubes.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
