Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
