you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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