He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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