Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
