I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
