I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
