maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
