Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
