Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
