she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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