just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
