Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Randomize
