Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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