you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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