If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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