So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
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