yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
