So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
you would pick up someone in the library
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
