i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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