remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize