I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
