What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
