I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
