sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize