it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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