Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
