i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I'm lost and stupid without you.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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