i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
