Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
