My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
dude. I can hear the air.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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