the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize