Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
