one might say we're banned from that church
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
