So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize
