I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Your penis caused this!
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
