I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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