Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize