Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
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