some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
