Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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