Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
