Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
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