the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
