it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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