You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
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