Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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