have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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