I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
