I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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