if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Dicks are not precious.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
