I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize