i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
