I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
