So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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