Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
