Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
