we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
